What Japanese people say is sometimes different from what they actually think.
Have you ever heard of “Honne and Tatemae”(本音と建前）?
One of my friends often asks
“Is that Honne or Tatemae?”
Well, I am usually honest with my friends. I tell what I think to my friends. So, that is Honne.
For example,
Oh, I’m impressed with your outfit today!(she really looks good in that dress;)!)
But if it is Tatemae,
it may mean…
She is not dressed appropriately.
or maybe…
Her dress is too flashy.
It’s quite important to understand this concept in Japan.
Here is another example.
You are so passionate!
If this is Tatemae, it may mean you are a little annoying because you are talkative or something.
In this kind of situation, if you say “oh, I was too loud? Did I bother you😅 Sorry!,” They would say “No no! You are ok.” (That means “You got it.”)
It’s sometimes easier to be a foreigner in Japan.
One of my friends told me that she was happier when she didn’t recognize this concept. After three years’ stay in Japan, she gradually started understanding what Japanese people actually think with Tatemae. Remember, it is not always true, but you will face a similar situation as long as you live here.
Once she got to understand the feeling of Tatemae, she started to be worried about building up relationships.
No worries!! If you really want to make friends in Japan, you can ask if that is Honne or Tatemae. You may sound too direct but not everyone can be 100% Tatemae person. If they have good feelings about you, they will show you Honne little by little.
Even though this kind of concept might be found in any country, ours can be a bit more difficult to deal with.
It may be like a shield to protect ourselves or keep a proper distance from others.
Isn’t is fascinating to tell what you really want to say without telling it.
いけず Ikezu
In the end, I would like to add one more thing. This Honne and Tatemae can be more intense in Kyoto, which people call “Ikezu.” This word is usually used in a negative way.
Now, can you see what the below sentence actually means if it’s Ikezu?
I hear your daughter play the piano every day! What a great pianist she is!!
Meaning…
It’s too noisy. Your daughter is disturbing your neighbours!
It’s like a bomb in wrapping paper.
Remember it’s not always true but it is sometimes…
